If you like the person who broke the pot, it's just clay.
But if you hate them? It was made of gold of course.
This is how I personally see today's topic summarized.
Sadly, today’s topic is one I am sadly very familiar with and a story that can be found throughout the autistic community.
Autistic person is desperate for a chance.
They find a job that eagerly says “We will accommodate you!”.
They enjoy the job and work hard, probably more than they should, in a desperate attempt to be liked and keep a job.
The job has bumps in the road, but it seems worth it…. But the bumps just keep coming.
Until the autistic person cannot take it anymore and the situation reaches its critical point.
Something people from minority groups must watch out for is something called “micro aggression”.
I have been discriminated a lot in my life, but rarely was the discrimination directly aggressive to my face since grade school. In fact, most of it has been ignorable in small doses.
The fact that it CAN be ignored is the most dangerous part of all.
Just how a frog will let itself slowly boil to death, ignoring the problem until it’s beyond containing is a very real issue in the workplace.
Micro aggression isn’t unique to autistic people, any person from a minority group may actually relate to this phenomenon.
It’s when daily occurrences of aggression happen over a long period of time. Usually, the aggression relates directly to the source of discrimination. Such as making small comments towards someone’s sex, gender, sexuality, race, disability, age, etc or other small manners of aggression that are easily consealed.
Here’s what micro aggression may look like to autistic/ADHD people in the workplace:
Maybe they hear small, hurtful comments
"ADHD isn’t even a big deal, just exercise and have a calendar.”
“YOU are different! You don't need accommodations like THEM."
Or are patronized
“You are doing so good! You are obviously different, but it’s not stopping you.”
“It’s not too much for you? I know you can but let me know if it’s too much for you.”
Maybe the person needs accommodations.
They are never “officially” given them.
It’s all unofficial and inconsistent.
Treated differently than other workers.
Given the least desirable jobs or shifts and put to the test daily.
Reported issues you are having are ignored purposely to increase the likelihood of you “messing up”.
Targeted by other coworkers privately and the mistreatment level increases as the chances of being “caught” decreases.
Reality is, you can do the self-improvement rodeo every day. You can make people close to you SO PROUD because they see the work you’ve done. They know the journey you take everyday to embrace the gifts given to you and defeat the symptoms that sadly came along with it.
But co-workers are not family or friends.
Unless every single one of them is close to you, they will see symptoms like: meltdowns, needing extra directions, miscommunication, etc. as extra life challenges on THEM.
The bumps start off small, and just keep on increasing in frequency until you are in the middle of the trainwreck of an autistic burnout.
Autistic burnout is when an autistic person reaches a state of physical and mental fatigue, heightened stress, and diminished capacity to manage life skills, sensory input, and/or social interaction.
The simplest way to think of it is…. think of people as computers.
Autistic people have twice as much programs running on their computers because they have to de-bug miscommunication both to themselves (like “Am I hungry? When did I last eat?”) and to other people (“Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude, I was just saying the answer. Apologies.”)
So, if an autistic person burns their “computer” out from desperately trying to keep up with everyone, that means they need more help.
This means the situation (and the people in charge of it) FAILED THEM.
If the situation was managed from the start, if the person was receiving accommodations and wasn’t facing challenges, their behavior wouldn’t have fluctuated so drastically.
People will cut the “Weakest link” a majority of the time. Very rarely do I hear success stories of a workplace putting an autistic person on disability during a burnout and developing a system so the situation doesn’t have a repeat when they return.
It’s way easier to say it’s their fault:
• Why didn’t they try harder?
• They were just so ungrateful!
• Look how many chances we gave them!
• Their autism was just an excuse!
They would much rather cut the autistic worker to the curb than admit ‘Maybe we should’ve supported them better….Maybe we did something wrong.”
But in the workplace, school, or ANYWHERE really, who likes to help people unless they are forced to?
Some might, most won’t.
This is where discrimination comes in.
Autistic traits aren’t seen as desirable most of the time.
In fact, unless you are rich in resources, support, and found your perfect job that utilizes your strengths; most people will find themselves very quickly losing their patience of “dealing” with your autistic traits.
This is NOT saying you can’t be proud or have traits you like. I will be the first to admit that I knew I was “quirky” growing up, but it wasn’t until I struggled to keep a job or get along with others that I started searching for answers.
The label is to help me work on my traits that cause strife for me and my interactions with others.
The label is also for others the acknowledge my struggles and make reasonable accommodations.
However, unless you have workers trained to not take autistic traits personally, most will see it as an attack.
No eye contact?
o “They refuse to look at me! They don’t respect me when I talk.”
Asks more questions than other workers.
o “They don’t respect me! They just can’t follow orders!”
Blurts out answers.
o “They don’t respect me! They correct me in front of everyone!”
Rude tone.
o “They don’t respect me! I don’t care if the words are nice, their TONE is RUDE!”
The list can go on and on because autism affects all aspects of communication. There is a reason we have over 80% unemployment rate or higher rates of homicide. People can misinterpret our traits as personal attacks and unless your workplace is willing to navigate the situation, it doesn’t end well for the autistic person.
Depending on the state, protocols, or even workplace initiatives, it doesn’t have to end badly.
Some workplaces require training when conflicts arise. Sometimes depending on the state, the workplace may even be required to escalate situations to HR or mandate accommodations.
I read the other day of there being autistic advocates or “negotiators” that personally help be the in between for autistic people and managers to make sure communication is being understood from both sides. This is rare and I believe is in workplaces that have initiatives to hire autistic people but it’s a start!
My only plea is DO NOT stay quiet.
If you see someone mistreated due to their disability, say something.
If you are able to vote, vote for disability services and increasing their priority. This isn't just for autistic adults, but for ALL people who fall under disability criteria. Being disabled only sounds "heroic" after someone has beat the odds.
In reality? Being disabled is not a "feel good" story. It's a story of struggle and feeling rejected by your community.
It means making ourselves fit in communities, and putting the work in everyday to try and fit in. Only to be kicked out once we are inconvenent.
If you have a voice that is able to be heard, speak on the behalf of us that cannot.
I was fired this past week.
I am still reeling from the shock.
But I do believe in helping my community and I hope this entry either made you feel less alone or helped you understand what it’s like from our perspective.
Thank you for your time
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